Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
