I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
