i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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