i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
