just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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