i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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