So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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