I wish my penis had an off switch
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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