ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is the high leading the old right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
