So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
