he thought i was a dude.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
