Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
