Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
