omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
operation have a gay friend backfired
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
