yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
