im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
