You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
