apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
