Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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