there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
