What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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