I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize