I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
