He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
