Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
