You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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