It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
