is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
