things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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