she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
