Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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