My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize