and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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