i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
