No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
