The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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