Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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