She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
