I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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