you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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