I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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