This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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