Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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