oh god the rape fog is back!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
