So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
