Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
