who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize