I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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