Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
