Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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