i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
