I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
