She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
