You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
