Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
