why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
