I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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