one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
