i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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