They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
