yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
