I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
