woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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